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Curtain Down
Not only am I back at my desk after a week of gallivanting but also, this morning, Telephone Wonder Engineer restored my phone line and my access to the Internet. In equal measure I’m grateful to be back in business and slightly embarrassed at how my life screeched to a halt just because of a short-circuit. Or something.…
Read MoreThe Things People Ask
My regular reader may be forgiven for wondering if I was indisposed. Two weeks without posting. Tsk, tsk. It’s just that it’s that time of year. I can go months without anyone asking me anything, but when publication dates come round my writing habits become of brief interest to the world. And this year…
Read MoreWord Rage
I just walked past an eatery. It’s not new but I never noticed it before and now I wish I still hadn’t. Eatery is one of those blue touch-paper words for me: it’s the invention of the kind of people who put televisions in pubs. And serve microwaved lasagne with chips. I won’t absolutely swear that I’ve never used the…
Read MoreWarm Monday Morning Glow
Last week was a mildly shitty week. Nothing drastic, just a low-level hum of discontent, with the weather, with people not doing the right thing, with our dead dish-washer. But today, what a different story. Over the weekend I got two fabulous mentions. Libby Purves, blessed be her name, in Saturday’s Daily Telegraph described me…
Read MoreIn Person
As trailed a few weeks ago I’m now delighted to confirm personal appearances by Humble Companion Nellie Buzzard and her coachman, Dick Morphew, at the Chiswick Book Festival on September 15th. I’m obliged, under the terms of the Trade Descriptions Act (1968), to warn you that Nellie doesn’t look anything like as cute as her…
Read MoreWriter's Perks
This week I’ve had one of the greatest pleasures known to writer-kind: choosing a name for a new character. I hadn’t even realised I was going to create this character until a few days ago when she sidled into view and said, ‘Frankly, I think you need me.’ She was right. But what to call her? Names…
Read MoreLest They Forget
I’m a fan of Jane Austen so I have absolutely no objection to the decision to feature her on £10 notes, starting in 2017. I just rather wish the feministas hadn’t made such a hoohah about it. I mean, it’s not as though we’ve never had women on our bank notes. Remember Elizabeth Fry? Florence…
Read MoreOff the Shelf
Someone said to me, ‘It must give you such a thrill, to walk into a bookshop and see your book on the shelf.’ Well, yes. Also, no. There was a time. Then I went through a brief phase of writing humorous non-fiction that didn’t belong with the joke books and didn’t quite belong in the psychology…
Read MoreSigns of Life
Signs of life on the normally glass-smooth surface of my working year. I suddenly have a couple of gigs in my diary for September and October, one in West London and one in Surrey. I’ll be posting details as they firm up and only mention them today in order to ease into the mushrooming topic of literary festivals. There are more…
Read MoreAll in a Day's Work
Writing is a funny business. Even a laugh-a-minute guy like Joseph Conrad would probably have agreed. I don’t mean the daily grind of turning up at the desk, although that sure beats any other job I ever had. What I mean when I call it a funny business is the way it’s perceived by…
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