We’re just back from a week in the lunatic asylum formerly known as the United Kingdom. From time to time Mr F and I think of making our home there again some day. Then we read that the Avon and Somerset police force are issuing headscarves for its female officers to wear when they have to deal with the Muslim public. And we think ‘hunh?’

I mean, I wouldn’t mind the headscarves quite so much – hijab can be attractive, after all – if it hadn’t taken a concerted campaign for officers in the Metropolitan police force to be allowed to wear Union Jack badges in support of British troops. Patriotism. Wrong message, you see?

But police headscarves were only the tip of the loony iceberg. There was also E-LAMP, the Electronic Learning and Mobility Project, courtesy of which gypsy children are being given laptop computers and free Internet access to encourage them to join the family business and fence stolen goods more efficiently, oops, no, sorry, what I meant to say was, to encourage them to…COMPLETE THEIR EDUCATION. Yes. That’s it.

This week’s Bedlam Award though, goes hands down to the story about a police sergeant who swore and made an inappropriate comment during the course of a 2 hour siege. The besieger, a man known to the police, was eventually charged with false imprisonment, threats to kill and affray. He was convicted, received a 12 month suspended sentence and is now, he says, considering legal action against the police officer because the episode has left him a bag of nerves. I imagine the police sergeant is feeling a bit jangled too because not only did he get a reprimand, which one hopes all those present found pant-wettingly funny, but he’s also obliged to go on an effing management effing advice course. Well, that’ll larn ‘im.

All together now… You Couldn’t Make It Up.