Congratulations to the perennially excellent Inspector Gadget who has stumbled on a surefire way of making contact with his Chief Superintendant.

When Gadget needs him to do something important, like authorising covert surveillance of a suspected paedophile seen hanging around the local playground, the boss can’t be found. But if Gadget refuses to attend yet another Diversity Awareness Seminar he’s been warned that the elusive Big Chief will be instantly available to deliver a high-level bollocking.

I’m sure there’s some way this lesson is applicable even in my sheltered life. And I’m now going to assume the position and think very hard what it might be.