I have a question about the subduing of an unruly passenger on yesterday’s United Airlines flight 944 from Chicago to Frankfurt. Who provided the duct tape?

Do cabin crews routinely carry duct tape? Is it with the peanuts in the drinks’ trolley? Was there perhaps a home-repair enthusiast on board, the kind of guy who never leaves home without a reel of Duck Brand? Or did the unruly passenger happen to have the tape about his own person? He certainly did by the time they diverted to Cleveland. Round and round his person. Anyway, I think we should be told. If it would help make the skies safer I for one would be willing to start carrying. Please let me know by Thursday.

You’ve guessed. I have to go to the airport this week, to have my thighs caressed by a woman I never met before and my umbrella subjected to close scrutiny.

They say the security measures we now endure are essential. They say passenger profiling would be unhelpful, not to mention dicing with anti-discrimination law. Personally I don’t know anyone who would feel threatened by passenger profiling. Personally I don’t know anyone who thinks patting down pensioners and children is the way to go, especially when a man still found it possible to board a plane using an out of date boarding pass issued in someone else’s name.  Way I see it, most passengers are now alert to little tell-tale signs. See someone trying to ignite his Y-fronts? Travel savvy passengers are now likely to jump out of their seats and challenge him, reason with him, offer him counselling. And if that fails, beat the shit out of him. Yes, even if the seat belt sign is still illuminated.

Duct tape. Who’d have thought. Great invention.