Apps of the Apostles

We didn’t make it to church this morning  – too slow off the mark. If I’m honest I had a rather weaselly motive for allowing Mr F to sleep late: our new priest insists on Confession before Communion and like all cradle Anglicans I find Confession very tough.

Everyone knows about Catholic confessionals. The Orthodox do it very differently. There’s no box to hide in, no anonymity, no formula. You simply stand before the priest or, if his varicose veins are playing up, you sit beside him. Every priest has his own style. Some have a Biblical text for every trouble, some just listen and murmur encouragingly, some say, ‘Tell me what’s in your heart.’ 

I dread making my confession but one thing I know for sure. It’s a powerful sacrament. Next week, I solemnly swear. 

While I was waiting for Mr F to wake up my googling led me, via various diversions, to religious apps. Now I don’t have any apps because my mobile phone is the telephonic equivalent of a model T Ford, but I like to know what’s out there. The Confession app is intended for Catholics, of course, but interesting nonetheless. Have I been watching any impure movies? No. Although there is a big greasy thumbprint on Disk 2 of our Tinker, Tailor DVD  (Guinness version). Am I gay? Well yes I am, actually. Demob fever always makes me light-hearted. No, I’m not being obtuse. I’m simply reclaiming the word ‘gay’ for general, innocent use.

Other religious apps you might want to check out are the Bible Clock, which is a kind of Teasmade without the tea. It wakes you with Psalm 57 instead. I’d say that could be a marriage-breaker. Then there’s the Hallelujah Button for which I could find a hundred uses. The Interfaith Calendar? No thanks. We have the analog version. It’s called a lectionary or sometimes ‘the freaking lectionary’ when it goes missing.

Today, in case you’re app-less, is the feast day of the Apostle James, St Denis of Paris and St Publia, Deaconess of Antioch, to name but three. On the other hand, if you’re in Dublin or Russia and therefore adhering stubbornly to the Old Calendar, grumble, grumble, today’s saint is John the Theologian.

So now you know.

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