My attention was drawn to this piece of 21st century
bumfluff communication jargon by the website for Derry – City of Culture 2013. I’ve never been to Derry and thought this would be the year to go take a look, so I logged on to see what cultural goodies they’ve scheduled. By page 8 I still hadn’t got beyond the mission statements, at which point I thought, ‘Ah feck it, I don’t particularly want to go to Derry anyway. Miserable looking place.’
But it did make me realise I should get a mission statement. So here it is.
Laurie Graham is a cubicle monkey. Thinking is the only task she performs outside the box. Her primary focus is the harvest of the low-hanging fruit of humour, but she opens her kimono for no-one. She has the capability to deliver product as soft copy, hard copy, illuminated script or knitted code. Her target for 2013 is to repurpose herself to the earning of huge amounts of money. She brings to the table the added value of vapid, wittering blogs, Daily Mail journalism and occasional face time with her public.